4 days to go

[piranha]

i've been contemplating the depression, since i actually have to get things done by a deadline, and that is something i sorta suck at at the best of times, and the depression tends to make sure there are no best of times. luckily i don't really have to get a whole lot done -- i basically have to decide on what clothes and books and entertainment to take, and pack that. naturally, this is the point in time where i realize that i don't actually have anything to wear but sweatpants, bike shorts, and tshirts. which is generally ok, except for some odd reason i would like to have something a wee bit more cheerful to put on, as sort of an expression of "yay, i am really looking forward to seeing all these wonderful people".

so i am contemplating some sewing. with 4 days to go. after not having sewn anything seriously for a decade. i am stupid. it's not like it's actually 4 days to go even, it's only 3 days since the bus leaves sunday morning. why am i doing this to myself?

well. we shall see. i have fabric. i have patterns. maybe i will, maybe i won't. i made room for a cutting board. i unearthed my sewing machine. i went to the fabric store and bought elastic and thread. i cleaned up the saw horses which have sat outside as a resting place for cats all summer, and it turned out my friendly european paper wasps had made a couple of small nests in there as well. these nests, i am sorry to say, are no more. all the ones under the roof persist; i haven't had the heart to kill those.

i also vacuumed the living room, just because it seemed like a thing to do. "whether it needs it or not" doesn't really apply in a house with 6 outdoor cats; it always needs it. while contemplating the depression and thinking that i am doing rather well, considering. i mean, well for really lowered standards, *snrk*. i went to the fabric store, i vacuumed, i exterminated wasps, and worked on the battery pack -- i made a wooden dowel battery to take up the missing space and carry the jumper wire to bridge that empty space (the holder is designed for 8 batteries but i can use only 7 for the correct voltage). this may not seem like a lot to normal people, but i am positively giddy with productivity vibes.

i am not even panicking yet.

Comments

Depression and getting things done

[lizw.livejournal.com]

It sounds like quite a lot to me, but then of course I always have the possibility of a mental health relapse in the background, too...

Re: Depression and getting things done

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

no no. you are one of the people whose life i am looking at when i bemoan my lower standards. :) multiple partners, multiple children, a full-time job, and soon: university!

that was me, once. now i hold up my wooden dowel battery and can only laugh wistfully. :)

Re: Depression and getting things done

[lizw.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, with the university thing I may well be demonstrating my utter insanity ;-)

The rest of it, though, doesn't take up as much time on a daily basis as a person might think. Today, for instance, I have done the following:-

Showered etc, got dressed
Made breakfast for myself
Went to work
Checked e-mail
Started reviewing a contract
Had lunch with clients
Continued reviewing the same contract (am about to send my boss my comments on it.)

This evening I will have dinner with djm4, call in at a pub for a Dr Who meetup thingy, and then go home. If we're not too tired, one of us will probably load the dishwasher and the other the washing machine. It doesn't seem much more to me than your list.

[dr-brat.livejournal.com]

Go you! I think you are getting a tremendous amount done!

As for the sewing, if it were me, it would be self-sabatoge (sp?), as in "I'm getting far too much done, let's add to the list" although that's never how I think of it. LOL!

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

I think you're getting a lot done.

I often discover a pressing need for new clothes right before a trip, even though I have way too many clothes, and I didn't need more until I knew I was going away. I wonder whether this is common.

I, too, am depressed, and I'm not doing anything except the absolute necessities. Yesterday I discovered that my wonderful counsellor has moved away from the city. Wah! I hope she calls me back with a local recommendation.

I don't think any of the wonderful people at the party will care what you're wearing; they'll just be happy to see you.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

yeah, you're absolutely right. i know it too. it's irrational (see longer response above).

it must be common because there is that stereotype i have in my head of people fretting about having nothing to wear for an event while standing in front of an overstuffed closet -- see, you're in my head! and as a stereotype! yet i don't usually pay attention to people's clothes woes. it's exceedingly funny in a way to have myself tossed right into that stereotype.

hope you find a good new counselor. *gah*, but i hate change when i finally have found a decent mental health pro.

[redbird]

As one of those people, I want to meet you, and what you're wearing isn't important (since nothing you've described is going to harm people you hug, let alone random onlookers). Cheerful, to me, is largely about bright colors; do you have t-shirts that qualify there?

I'd note that by mid-September in Montreal, you're likely to need a sweater or jacket.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

i know nobody will care what i am wearing, because if they did, they would of course not be the people i think are so wonderful. :) it's never about reality when i have those weird impulses. i am taking care that what i wear will not hurt people with cat-related allergies; everything will be laundered. i know i have to do nothing more than that.

i don't have bright tshirts; my favourite bright shirt has holes from years of wear. i am generally all about the earth tones; i blend in instead of standing out. that's probably why this popped up in my mind now; i look more depressing than i feel, and i sorta want to be expressing that i am excited. i don't usually wear clothes to express my moods, and i don't usually care; my goal re clothing is "comfort". but i have a tiny weird extravert fashion streak that i almost never act on, yet there it is bouncing up and down now, and wants to put on a little performance. i might be able to calm it down by claiming we shall buy something suitable in montreal, but it knows that we're too fat to wear most off-the-rack clothing. :)

thanks for the reminder about some warmth -- we've already shifted into "shorts by day, long pants by sundown" weather, and i was going to check montreal weather today, but might have forgotten.

*gah*, i am excited. *heh*. i hardly had any sleep, but i am rearing to get going on stuff that has to get done.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you're motivated by an approaching deadline (leaving) as I always have been, because as people point out, that's actually a lot.

As for sewing, I generally feel it's best to go with what gives you energy to do more. The only important caveat is that it not interfere with more necessary things, like packing or making the bus on time!

Condolences on the depression. I know personally, it really suxx. Effexor has been a very good thing for me; I do still have depression-like effects from high blood sugar, though. Grr.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

generally going with the flow instead of regulating myself a lot is what leaves me with more energy. so i am mostly doing that.

when i get back it'll be time to consider new meds, since now i have a good, solid baseline of what i am like without after a decade on paxil.

it sometimes astounds me how many people on my flist have depression in one form or another. it's not like i picked y'all for that.

[janetmk.livejournal.com]

This is exciting!

I'm terrible at packing and since I'm driving I'll just throw everything I might possibly need in the back of the car. This is embarrassing. Heh, I could pretend I'm bringing stuff for you... :-)

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

you could pretend that! because if i were coming by car, that's exactly what i would do, toss stuff in the back as i think of it, and rather take the kitchen sink than too little. :)

travelling on the bus is a challenge re. packing. i'll probably end up doing frequent laundry and rather pack stuff that entertains me on the trip.

[mayaknife.livejournal.com]

Ahem. The truck is staying HERE.

[prairierabbit.livejournal.com]

Kitchen sink? Kitchen sink! I knew there was something I didn't put in the car for my last road trip. But the lawn chair did make it into the trunk... *grin* Good luck with the packing, and I've always felt that being entertained was more important than clothes, and I like clothes.

[lorres.livejournal.com]

i am not even panicking yet.

There's the bright spot -- 8^)