ticker gone mad, part II

some of you may remember that i had a lengthy episode of heart arrhythmia which i figured was supraventricular tachycardia in february (on valentine's day; i am such a romantic).

this morning i woke up after just a couple of hours of sleep, and found myself in the same predicament. ok, i can take the hint. i threw on clothes and went into the living room to ask the paramour to call an ambulance.
( details mostly for my own recall, nothing gory )

so this can be one of basically 4 things, since i am not doing either illegal or legal drugs or seem to have anything else going on that could cause the SVT: hyperthyroid problem (unlikely since i was tested for thyroid disease a few years ago by my shrink to rule that out as a cause for the depression, and many of the symptoms don't fit). ischemia (heart trauma following a heart attack) -- unlikely. structural problems in the heart -- unlikely, he didn't hear anything. and my favourite: cause unknown. it's slightly possible that dehydration could be the cause, but i don't think i was that dehydrated. in retrospect i did drink little the last two days, but i've been dehydrated, and this wasn't even close. contrary to last time i've eaten well this time; lots of vegetables and fruit.

i feel a little wobbly, and will go back to bed now. the paramour was a champ; everything worked like a well-oiled machine; zie even brought a smut manga to hospital for me. :)

the mighty dollar(s)

wow, the canadian dollar is trading slightly higher than the US dollar. i've never seen that before (apparently it happened last about 30 years ago, when i wasn't paying attention to either dollar).

seems there was a short blip yesterday, but today the blip is longer, it's at U$ 0.999151 now (1.00 U$ is 1.00085 C$). so this is basically par.

which is as it should be. :) well, actually, what should happen is that the US dollar should fall more. the canadian economy has been solid for 10+ years, while the US economy has been mucked up.

i am more excited about this than i would have thought. no idea why.

gender-based observations

i was really glad the doctor and gary the scot were bantering with each other and with me. i love banter, especially when i feel crappy. it distracts me. it lightens the load a little. it gives the impression that things aren't that bad, that i can laugh problems in the face. it makes me feel like i am an equal to those who're treating me; we're all people and while i can't fix an unstable heart, they can't fix an unstable debian system.

during this episode, just like in situations before when i have been a patient, it's always some men who banter, and hardly ever any women. not a single woman bantered with me this time; one bantered with gary the scot. the women were either quiet and detached / very businesslike, or solicitous. neither works really well for me, though the former works better than the latter. some detached mannerisms make me feel like i am just a thing to them that they push and pull around according to what they need, regardless of my feelings about the matter. since they're trying to help me that's acceptable, but it leaves me feeling a bit inhuman. especially when they're also careless about restoring my comfort when they leave me -- not putting the blanket back over my exposed skin, for example, not returning my glasses to me.

solicitousness is much worse; it puts me into the role of an inferior, a helpless person, childlike; it stresses that things are bad, that i am to be pitied. it focusses the attention on the problem, doesn't let me escape a little. and i feel that if i laugh, they'll feel insulted that i am not appreciative of their efforts (and they are efforts; they are wrong for me, but i always appreciate people trying to help).

i am quite certain that the detached manner makes a lot of people feel bad, but i understand why health care practitioners do it; the job can eat you alive unless you keep some degree of detachment, and it's not easy to find the right degree. i'm also quite certain the solicitous manner works very well for vast numbers of people who come to hospital scared and anxious and feeling bad for themselves. and women in health care roles do that one generally better than men. but i almost always gravitate towards men in such situations, and the ones i stick with have a hearty sense of humour. it has nothing whatsoever to do with my assessment of their competence, just with comfort.