introversion

[piranha]

supergee writes about introversion and paying attention.

i am copying my comment to have it here for further ponderings.

i think the introvert/extravert distinction is really important, yes. but i wonder whether the paying attention stuff is not actually on a different axis from introversion. i am a strong introvert, but i don't have trouble with paying attention. in fact much of the joy in my life comes from paying attention. i don't mind travel at all, except for the people, *heh*. i prefer to drive myself so i am not piled into a container with too many other people in too close a proximity. i like the great outdoors, i love discovering and learning more things about life. i find watching people fascinating, it's just interacting with them that wears me out.

bodily maintenance annoys me not because of the paying attention part, but because it is maintenance, and i find that boring, and basically want to take the sysadmin approach: automate it as much as possible, and only pay attention to new and different stuff.

Comments

[stresskitten.livejournal.com]

I think interacting with people wears me out precisely because I pay so much attention. I'm really aware of tone of voice and body language and choice of words, more so than most people (or so it seems to me). I suspect that non-introverts are able to modulate their attention better than I can, and thus not use up so much of their attention-energy whenever they interact.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

hey, look whom the cat dragged in! how are you? *checks your LJ* -- nope, not posting. :)

yeah, interacting with people requires a lot of attention for me as well, to their body language and words and tone, as well as to my own, and all that while i am thinking about the subject we're discussing. it feels like i am walking a tightrope after a while; it's really stressful (unless i know people well, and we're all relaxed and just jamming).

[eub.livejournal.com]

(Everyone does know everyone else, don't they. At least some people.)

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

I think I'm with you. Paying attention isn't tiring; paying attention to people might be because they are people.

Paying attention while driving _does_ wear me out after a while (nowadays, on the order of an hour or so per direction), but that's helped a lot by talking to people. Much less exhausting when I have company, and I practically live on my cellphone (with an ear-piece, of course)while driving if I can help it.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

interesting how much we differ on the driving -- i can drive pretty much all day in medium-amount traffic, say the average interstate on a cross-country trip; i have the internal setup of a truck driver, i think (and have occasionally considered that as a job). in-city traffic tires me a lot faster. having people with me who talk while i drive is my idea of hell. :) if i am not the driver, it can be fun.

people are high-bandwidth requiring interaction so as to not get mopey (for the most part :). i think that's why they tire me so much. television also tires me, though not as much as interacting with people -- it's also high-bandwidth, but even though the visuals are more demanding, there's less required from me in re giving something of value back.

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

My idea of hell is having two people in the car who are talking to each other rather than to me.

I'm good with bandwidth. If anything, too low can get difficult, since I am a multi-tasker, and need something to keep at least 1 or 2 processes in my brain occupied with something outside of myself. (I'm cool with being in my brain, but after a while it can get a bit old, and it can trap me in the patterns of double- and triple-thinking unproductively if I'm feeling down.)

The reason people are tricky is more about the necessity of having the public face on. (Which is why partners and very close friends don't cost energy - they aren't public, and don't require any special variety of presenting oneself.)

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

My idea of hell is having two people in the car who are talking to each other rather than to me.

i can see myself either liking or hating that. i'd like it if it were the paramour and the *poing* geeking out about some esoteric bit of code. i get all gooey inside when they have a great discussion without me facilitating anything between them. :) or if two or more friends were discussing some other subject about which i know little, i'd really enjoy that.

i would hate it if the people made me feel like they wished i weren't actually there, if they fought, if they made out verbally, if they talked about things that really bother me (nasty gossip frex), etc. and if they required me to participate, that's the part that i dislike on principle while driving.

i have the public face thing a lot less now than i used to; yeah, that was once a major factor. now it's just bandwidth because i am much less capable of tracking multiple tasks thanks to (*grump*) the depression. it's ok with friends because i already know so much about them, but with new people there is so much to pay attention to that it overwhelms me. and i am also much less likely to share driving trips with people with whom i don't feel comfortable to start with, so this no longer comes up much.

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

i'd like it if it were the paramour and the *poing* geeking out about some esoteric bit of code

Well, yeah, cases like that are special. I am quite familiar with the warm-fuzzies of successful bonding between people who are special to me.

What I find drives me up the wall is people talking about their own plans with each other, or about other people I don't know, or otherwise some manner of discussion that I couldn't participate in or have thoughts about. Effectively, it feels like them not caring that I am there, not including me in the conversation, and causing me to feel like an impersonal shuttle service rather than someone in the car with people who theoretically want to be there with me.

Given that I dislike driving as a process, that feels extra icksome. If I was in the car by myself, I'd talk to someone on the phone, or I'd holler songs with the CD player. When I have company, I'm not going to do either of these things, so if my passengers are excluding me from conversation, there is quite literally nothing for me to occupy my non-driving circuits with, leading to a certain degree of crankiness on my part. Not to mention, it does not do miracles to my insecurities and buttons collection, which can trigger easily at being ignored and excluded.

[firecat]

For me the link between introversion and lack of attention has to do with feeling forced to pay attention to specific stuff. Alone time involves letting my attention drift where it will. When I'm socially tired it's way more difficult for me to pay attention to stuff just because I should or it's important or it's expected. This applies especially to social stuff, but it also applies to other stuff.

[firecat]

PS, thanks for that thing about body maintenance. When I get bored with body maintenance I tend to believe I'm engaging in body hatred, and it's nice to be reminded that's not necessarily true.

[daev.livejournal.com]

If I could figure out Library Thing I'd probably have the answer to this question, but: have you read "Solitude" by Ursula Le Guin? It's in The Birthday of the World. It was the best positive, understanding portrayal of introversion I've ever seen, and why it's connected with paying attention and with poly.

the variety of views is interesting

[(Anonymous)]

I have become much less of a people person since the CU days. My idea of paying attention to people now has to do with safety concerns, and keeping most people except the very close ones at as great a distance as physically possible. Introversion vs. simple distaste is an interesting question. Attention to other things generally means keeping the things I use in the same places all of the time - psycho-motor skill based practice (I carry flashlight in place X, my phone in Place Y, other items of common safety equipment in their places, etc).
Travel is done by car - my commute is long (160 miles one way, so we have a spare residence ), but I DID drive a truck and grew up traveling, so that's of little impact on me. I drove to Georgia (from Washington state) for training last summer; to Illinois (bleagh) to work on a book in April '05, and to Denver in July '05 for another book. The last two I also took one of the dogs, who is a pretty good companion.
Bodily maintenance is a distinct issue for me. My Dad got 10 years of additional life (good quality active life, not as a rutabaga) from losing weight and taking up running soon after his 40th birthday. One of my additional duties at my full time job is as a coroner (a fluke of Washington law); seeing people who spent the last 10-15 years of their life dying from the choices of the first 40-50 years is a real motivator, plus of course, the risks and conflicts of my life, mostly from my other job, but we have had fights in the courtroom, too, give me an incentive to maintain better condition. Most people, even the kids in the gym (including employees) underestimate my age and weight substantially. I have time for such activities, of course, since I rarely waste my time on TV, people, and other typical inanities.

Hey, I got a firt noste!

[(Anonymous)]

It's because the time zone is odd, I'm guessing Greenwich, but still, I'll take it.