fear of failure and other alliterating things

[piranha]

elsejournal somebody asked whether there are tasks we put off because we are afraid of them.

yes.  many, many.

actual fear usually applies the first few time i do something, or if a lot of time passed between the last time i did it and now, and i never actually mastered it, and there's some element of ... danger? potentially life-threatening danger -- like flying a sailplane solo, but also danger of hurting myself or somebody else. or if what i am doing has destructive side effects -- like cutting expensive wood for a project, or working with a new dye process on actual clothing.

anything that has destructive side effects fills me with a certain degree of trepidation, and that goes pretty far down, and applies even to not all that expensive things -- spinning at the stage at which i'm at, opening a new pack of polymer clay, cooking with a new ingredient. if it uses up material, i'll have to overcome a small hump in order to get going.

though for the most part it's not fear that keeps me from doing things, but ... strong dislike of parts of the process. anything involving bureaucracies takes me forever to tackle, and the larger the bureaucracy, the worse it gets (there is an aspect of fear in this if the bureaucracy has lots of power over me, like immigration).  and i can't stand the phone for anything other than quick stuff like ordering pizza; hate being on hold, lost during transfer, transferred in circles, so if it involves phone calls, i'll be dragging my heels.

Comments

Drilling Holes in the Hull

[dragon3.livejournal.com]

Need I say more...

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

Do you have any really good coping mechanisms for the heel-dragging? I've been working on that lately.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

yes, if asking the paramour to make the phone call for me counts.

no, if that doesn't count (and it doesn't, not really, though that does at least get it done). i have absolutely no good coping strategies or tactics for it. i can't even trick myself into it with promises of rewards. only if push comes to shove (if something bad resulting from my procrastination is imminent) can i force myself.

i frankly don't know how to beat this. i think that there is an inner rebel at work, something in me Just Does Not Want To Submit to this crap.

when actual fear is in play, i'll usually handle it by confronting it. when trepidation stops me, i can talk myself through it by being extra-careful with instructions. but the bureaucracy stuff? i wish they would all just implode.

[firecat]

Please give back the brain when you're done with it...

I'm doing better on the hump of using up material...I'm starting to actually use my nice beads and yarn instead of doing everything in plastic and Red Heart.

I have my doubts about whether I'll ever get past the loathing of bureaucracy for all the reasons you mention.

[saluqi.livejournal.com]

IANP, but I find that wanting to be in a space where it's not hanging over me is often incentive enough to get me to deal with it. Often the heel-dragging takes up more space in my head than dealing with the matter in question does. Of course, sometimes it is very difficult anyway. I came as close as I've ever done recently to just saying "fuck it!" with something that was important.

Cause I've got enough stubborn for a good size state.

[huashan.livejournal.com]

I had to learn a good trick during a deep depression that I've found works for trying to get myself to do things that I fear doing as pleonastic describes. When I was severely depressed I would find that I couldn't get myself to do even things that I was looking forward to doing sometimes. Eventually I figured this out and the only thing I ever found to work against it was this technique. As soon as I realized it was happening, I would immediately think of anything at all that I needed to do, even if it wasn't the highest priority or most important or needed done now or whatever, just the very first thingt that I needed to do and I would immediately get up and do that thing from start to finish. Now...this leads to doing some really stupid things at times which are inefficient and sometimes pointless, but it got me moving. Once I was moving I could pretty much continue from task to task until I ran out of time or ran out of things I could do.

So...with the fear thing, I do somewhat the same thing. Generally I'll be in a much more stable frame of mind, so once I realize I'm putting something off for fearing of starting it/doing it/etc, I think of what would be the first step in the process and immediately do it.

I know somewhat about the processes involved in fear based reactions to tasks and whatnot, and I know that this technique almost shouldn't work because it requires doing exactly what the brain is having so much trouble doing, but for some reason it works for me. I think its because of stubborness and anger, actually. Once I realize my brain is doing this horrible thing to me again, I get somewhat angry and stubborn about making it stop, and that gives me the energy to get on with things and the drive to make them happen.

Re: Cause I've got enough stubborn for a good size state.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

Actually, that makes a lot of sense and seems to be very similar to what I've been trying lately with some success. Breaking the inertia does seem to be the key at very difficult times. At less difficult times I find that I can also sometimes just kind of go, "LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!" to the hind brain for a few moments -- just long enough to get myself past that initial step, and then I'm doing it and can't turn back. (Like making a difficult phone call -- if I can just shout down the hind brain until I've dialed the number and it's ringing, then I can do the rest of the call okay.)