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not so good
just got email from M, the paramour's brother, and J now has a secondary lung infection, is unconscious, and had to be intubated. *sigh*.
these are the times that many people of faith pray. it's probably a good thing that i no longer have that sort of faith. prayer never did make sense to me; surely an omniscient god already knows, and if zie really decides our fate on an individual basis, why would i think i could -- or even should -- affect the decision in any way? i'd probably just rail against zir, being as zie lets really bad people live. i just can't believe in the benevolence of a being who leaves people struggling for every breath -- if it's their time, just take them. if not, whatever they have to learn, this isn't usually teaching it. i know. i've watched so many of them when i worked in hospital. so, no comfort in prayer.
the only thing i know to do is keep busy, and support the people at J's side with small actions and possibly the right words, if i can find them. i hope modern medicine can pull J through.
these are the times that many people of faith pray. it's probably a good thing that i no longer have that sort of faith. prayer never did make sense to me; surely an omniscient god already knows, and if zie really decides our fate on an individual basis, why would i think i could -- or even should -- affect the decision in any way? i'd probably just rail against zir, being as zie lets really bad people live. i just can't believe in the benevolence of a being who leaves people struggling for every breath -- if it's their time, just take them. if not, whatever they have to learn, this isn't usually teaching it. i know. i've watched so many of them when i worked in hospital. so, no comfort in prayer.
the only thing i know to do is keep busy, and support the people at J's side with small actions and possibly the right words, if i can find them. i hope modern medicine can pull J through.
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Hoping for the best possible outcome.