introversion

[piranha]

supergee writes about introversion and paying attention.

i am copying my comment to have it here for further ponderings.

i think the introvert/extravert distinction is really important, yes. but i wonder whether the paying attention stuff is not actually on a different axis from introversion. i am a strong introvert, but i don't have trouble with paying attention. in fact much of the joy in my life comes from paying attention. i don't mind travel at all, except for the people, *heh*. i prefer to drive myself so i am not piled into a container with too many other people in too close a proximity. i like the great outdoors, i love discovering and learning more things about life. i find watching people fascinating, it's just interacting with them that wears me out.

bodily maintenance annoys me not because of the paying attention part, but because it is maintenance, and i find that boring, and basically want to take the sysadmin approach: automate it as much as possible, and only pay attention to new and different stuff.

Comments

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

My idea of hell is having two people in the car who are talking to each other rather than to me.

I'm good with bandwidth. If anything, too low can get difficult, since I am a multi-tasker, and need something to keep at least 1 or 2 processes in my brain occupied with something outside of myself. (I'm cool with being in my brain, but after a while it can get a bit old, and it can trap me in the patterns of double- and triple-thinking unproductively if I'm feeling down.)

The reason people are tricky is more about the necessity of having the public face on. (Which is why partners and very close friends don't cost energy - they aren't public, and don't require any special variety of presenting oneself.)

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

My idea of hell is having two people in the car who are talking to each other rather than to me.

i can see myself either liking or hating that. i'd like it if it were the paramour and the *poing* geeking out about some esoteric bit of code. i get all gooey inside when they have a great discussion without me facilitating anything between them. :) or if two or more friends were discussing some other subject about which i know little, i'd really enjoy that.

i would hate it if the people made me feel like they wished i weren't actually there, if they fought, if they made out verbally, if they talked about things that really bother me (nasty gossip frex), etc. and if they required me to participate, that's the part that i dislike on principle while driving.

i have the public face thing a lot less now than i used to; yeah, that was once a major factor. now it's just bandwidth because i am much less capable of tracking multiple tasks thanks to (*grump*) the depression. it's ok with friends because i already know so much about them, but with new people there is so much to pay attention to that it overwhelms me. and i am also much less likely to share driving trips with people with whom i don't feel comfortable to start with, so this no longer comes up much.

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

i'd like it if it were the paramour and the *poing* geeking out about some esoteric bit of code

Well, yeah, cases like that are special. I am quite familiar with the warm-fuzzies of successful bonding between people who are special to me.

What I find drives me up the wall is people talking about their own plans with each other, or about other people I don't know, or otherwise some manner of discussion that I couldn't participate in or have thoughts about. Effectively, it feels like them not caring that I am there, not including me in the conversation, and causing me to feel like an impersonal shuttle service rather than someone in the car with people who theoretically want to be there with me.

Given that I dislike driving as a process, that feels extra icksome. If I was in the car by myself, I'd talk to someone on the phone, or I'd holler songs with the CD player. When I have company, I'm not going to do either of these things, so if my passengers are excluding me from conversation, there is quite literally nothing for me to occupy my non-driving circuits with, leading to a certain degree of crankiness on my part. Not to mention, it does not do miracles to my insecurities and buttons collection, which can trigger easily at being ignored and excluded.