I tend to be more charitable towards the technique, and so I'll see what I can do to defend it. I'm not sure that it needs to be recommended to you, as your last paragraphs seem to endorse the basic concepts. Also, naturally, I am a person who holds the whole deck of privilege cards, so I am not defending porcinea's programme so much as the manner in which I have heard and implemented it (although xie has sometimes expressed pleasure at hearing my repeating it back).
First off, I find the words "shut up" to be regrettable, although they do make an impact. Raymond Smullyan wrote in "This Book Needs No Title" about the difference between shutting up and remaining silent, both as a commandment and as a state of being. In that sense, I tend to attain a state of remaining silent when someone is speaking about their firsthand experiences with bias, which allows me to focus my energies on being receptive to what I'm being told and how it is being told to me. As a good listener, I'm certain that you are on board with this.
Also, the advice is prescriptive and not proscriptive. That is to say, if you are in an experience where you wish to learn something that you haven't learned before, then you should consider acting in a manner in which you have not previously acted. By contrast, if someone is talking to you and you think "Bah, I'm too tired to set up the entire ritual of creating a safe and supportive space for this person that I am not very close with and who doesn't seem all that interesting anyway," then by all means don't; all you have lost is an opportunity.
Over the years, I have grown increasingly impressed with my ability as a conversationalist to steer the discussion away from something that was uncomfortable to me. When someone tells me about an experience of egregious sexual harassment, I can hardly wait to say something dumb. "I would never do that!", "I think that's horrible," "You should never have to experience something like that," "I'm sorry." All of these things, well intentioned as they are, are pulling the conversation either toward me or toward an ideal societal interaction -- in other words, they are pulling the conversation away from what the person is talking about. And, if the theories are true, people in the minority are equally conditioned to accommodate my discomfort.
What's the solution to encouraging the continuation of a monologue without taking the reins and without sounding like a cliched novice therapist? I don't know. I've had some success at it, and I look forward to a long life of getting better at it. But I would claim that dismissing the idea because you cannot immediately attain the ideal is in no one's interest. The perfect, as always, is the enemy of the good.
no subject
First off, I find the words "shut up" to be regrettable, although they do make an impact. Raymond Smullyan wrote in "This Book Needs No Title" about the difference between shutting up and remaining silent, both as a commandment and as a state of being. In that sense, I tend to attain a state of remaining silent when someone is speaking about their firsthand experiences with bias, which allows me to focus my energies on being receptive to what I'm being told and how it is being told to me. As a good listener, I'm certain that you are on board with this.
Also, the advice is prescriptive and not proscriptive. That is to say, if you are in an experience where you wish to learn something that you haven't learned before, then you should consider acting in a manner in which you have not previously acted. By contrast, if someone is talking to you and you think "Bah, I'm too tired to set up the entire ritual of creating a safe and supportive space for this person that I am not very close with and who doesn't seem all that interesting anyway," then by all means don't; all you have lost is an opportunity.
Over the years, I have grown increasingly impressed with my ability as a conversationalist to steer the discussion away from something that was uncomfortable to me. When someone tells me about an experience of egregious sexual harassment, I can hardly wait to say something dumb. "I would never do that!", "I think that's horrible," "You should never have to experience something like that," "I'm sorry." All of these things, well intentioned as they are, are pulling the conversation either toward me or toward an ideal societal interaction -- in other words, they are pulling the conversation away from what the person is talking about. And, if the theories are true, people in the minority are equally conditioned to accommodate my discomfort.
What's the solution to encouraging the continuation of a monologue without taking the reins and without sounding like a cliched novice therapist? I don't know. I've had some success at it, and I look forward to a long life of getting better at it. But I would claim that dismissing the idea because you cannot immediately attain the ideal is in no one's interest. The perfect, as always, is the enemy of the good.