piranha: inui's disgusting red juice dripping out of a glass (penal tea)
from my personal vocabulary.

i'm doing well with "lame"; i don't use it anymore. same with "blind to", "deaf to". "daft" is also gone, and "crazy", as is "derp" (i hadn't even realized the problem with that last one). "retarded", "loony", and "spaz" are almost gone.

i'm not doing well with "stupid", "dumb", and "idiot". i know the etymology, but in my entire lifetime the latter two terms have not been used by anyone around me to refer to people who're deaf or have intellectual disabilities; they're insults only and long divorced from their origins. and my brain keeps hanging onto them stubbornly.

"stupid" is a more mixed bag, and i'd been thinking i myself used the term only when referring to temporary, careless mind-foggery (despite being fully intellectually capable of seeing the consequences and possibly even bringing them up internally), mostly about myself. but no, to my shame i actually use it to refer to people with probable disabilities. *sigh*. i've been watching "justified" because it's highly rated on metacritic, and while it is well-written and very atmospheric, it is one hell of a depressing show. nearly everyone on it seems to act at all times with lack of foresight, in addition to being craven, cruel, egotistical, and valuing other life less than money and power. even the hero, a US marshal, who's quite a bit smarter than most of his foes, does incredibly inane things. every one of his romantic/sexual involvements is reckless. (i had to search for terms to replace "stupid" there). now, the marshal fits with how i generally think i use "stupid". but the kentucky hillbillies depicted on the show are clearly intellectually not up to the tasks they set themselves in their lives of crime.

if i lived in kentucky i'd hate "justified" with a passion. there are maybe 3 decent people on this show, and none of them are hillbillies. and even hose decent people close their eyes to the violations of the law our "hero" marshal engages in as a matter of course.

anyway. so yeah, i use "stupid" to refer to actual (if fictional) people with intellectual disabilities. not good.

for those of you who try to be more mindful of the words you use, do you have any techniques to get rid of the stubborn ones? i can do it in writing, but in casual speech the word comes out before my mind clamps down on it.
piranha: red origami crane (orizuru)
i liked dexter better without sex. that's kinda weird.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
so after the first 5-3-2 workout i didn't take a rest day and regretted it. after the last one i did take a rest day, and i am regretting it (DOMS are worse today than they were yesterday). *snicker*. i should listen to my intuition -- it prompted me to work out, but i only did a few suspension trainer chest pushups and then let myself be lured into watching more "dollhouse". which did nothing for my legs.

i think the lesson is to not rest completely, but to do a very light workout.

the good news is that it seems the habit of working out nearly every day is taking root -- i actually had a noticeable inclination to work out yesterday. this is surprising; i would have expected it to take a lot longer. i credit it to how short and relatively painless the 40-day workouts are; they do not leave me feeling exhausted or in pain.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (lift)
my weights keep outpacing my core strength, and i have so far sucked at adding core exercises regularly, so if i want to continue to lift while prioritizing form over weight without stagnating, i need to do something different. such as deloading the weights and doing core exercises as an integral part of my workout instead of tacking them on if i am not too wiped. i don't like core exercises, ergo i am trying to find a way to still mostly lift weights, but work more on my core without getting demotivated and sloughing off. i already have to be careful about sloughing off because the paramour is often asleep when i want to work out, and trying to be vewwy vewwy kwiet doesn't work with 45 lb plates on the bar, so i push my workouts later and later and... yeah. that's not going so well.

wherever we're moving to will have to have a space that's separate enough from the sleep and work spaces so either of us can work out at any time day or night without worrying about disturbing the other. i really want to grunt out loud too. and play heavy metal. i have it on "good" authority that heavy metal raises testosterone even if you don't work out at all. ;)

pondering where i've gotten so far and where i want to go is also leading me to believe i should shift to a regimen that includes some fast movement, and something twisty or at least unilateral. i do not want to become a powerlifter, after all, i want to become more all-around adept at various forms of human movement. also, habit-forming works much better if i work out every day. but on a 5x5 program every second day is needed for recovery; i am now lifting almost 5 short tons per workout (that sounds amazing, *heh*).

what i need to do is lower the weights, push less volume each day, but lift enough to keep weekly volume up, and add extra exercises that are not necessarily pure assistance. if i have fewer sets i also hope i'll be able to concentrate more on creating as much muscle tension as possible, which matters a lot -- and i am not doing enough of it now because i am always worried whether i can complete the sets; my mind kidna rabbits around instead of staying in the "here, this rep is all you care about" mode. that's not the right attitude, so lightening the load per workout might get me into a better mindset.

maybe something like this:
upper body push (OHP)
posterior chain (deadlift)
upper body pull (row)
fast, dynamic whole body (kettlebell/dumbbell swing)
core (planks, leg raises, sliding rollout; vary this to stave off hatred)
twisty/unilateral (lunges, twist lunges, bulgarian split squat, get-up)

i'm gonna stick with 5 reps per set, but how many sets? 2 or 3? what weights would i start with? when would i add weight? maybe have some pyramid sets? i think i might be making this too complicated, *heh*. add weights once a week, 2x5 sets for everything, work out 6 days and rest 1. that's kinda minimalist but could work. wonder whether it will provide enough progressive overload.

i think dan john has an interesting program for switching things up like this; gotta see whether i can find that again. all that stuff is usually meant for experienced lifters who have trouble making gains. oh well, i am not experienced, but i like experimenting on myself. as long as i won't stop getting stronger, maximizing gains is not that important, and the best exercise is the exercise i actually do.

the other program i like is jim wendler's 5-3-1, but that's also on alternating days. maybe i am off my rocker to work out every day, but i am feeling too close to the edge of slipping right back out of this newly minted habit, and i know how easily that happens. especially in winter. i need to do something to stop the drift. so i'll do a week of it and if it doesn't work, i can try something else.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
tiny workout: long mailbox loop walk with the paramour. we're doing that in 32 min instead of 45 half a year ago, that's pretty good progress.

yay; got the paramour out of the house. ;) actually twice in a row; yesterday we went bigtime grocery shopping. it wasn't even bad, despite being so close to xmas. i was all organized, with list sorted by store section, and it got done without much hassle.

now it's vacation time. nice, quiet. gonna bake some cookies, chocolate chip, and hazelnut, i think. we had snow a couple of days ago, but it was slushy right from the start, and didn't stick around. so, probably no pretty lights in the snow this year.

ordered a bunch of heirloom seeds today. i am sorta hoping we will be out of here come spring, and i'll have a real garden (real soil on the ground instead of containers), but that's probably too optimistic. but hey, it could happen. and if it does, i have seeds. ;)

so we're gonna get out of this interminable limbo. for one, the boat is slated to be in the water by end of march (i know, famous last words; third spring in a row). but this time it's actually close and we've told P that it simply has to happen, whether it's finished or not -- it needs to float, and it needs to move under its own power. he's determined enough to have inquired with his marina whether we could move it in there once launched.

for another, we're no longer gonna try and cajole the paramour's mother to move out here before her health pretty much makes it impossible. she's just not gonna do it because it seems insurmountable to her. alright. one never knows what can happen anyway; she might keel over from a heart attack tomorrow -- or so might we, for that matter. so we're just gonna let her do her thing as she pleases.

and we're just gonna do our own thing instead of waiting so we can arrange everything to suit everybody. that would be efficient, but why start now, *snicker*.

no idea yet where we'll move, except that we'll stay on the island. i sorta would like to move to haida gwaii (the queen charlotte islands), but the paramour isn't on board with moving to some place so remote, and that's ok. there are plenty of beautiful places on this island. we're thinking of buying as much land as we can afford. it'd be fantastic if it had ocean access so we could keep the boat there, but that'd probably be too expensive. if there is a house on it, fine, if not, we're put a mobile on it. we're not gonna build anything but a workshop on our own because we know what kind of a nightmare that would be. but we don't need anything fancy. just the land. the paramour wants land. ;) so the paramour shall have land.

it'll be nice to have our own place, far enough from any neighbours so we can grow pot. no, just kidding; not actually planning on that, though i wouldn't mind growing hemp for the fibre. ;) but we want privacy, just to have it. so nobody walks around right outside and has loud conversations right under our window when we're trying to sleep; that sort of thing. we don't even do anything risqué, and our current landlords are not bad at all, but even so, after 10+ years with them right across the yard, expanding closer and closer to our place (until their carport and workshop is right behind our kitchen now), we're ready to go someplace where WE can expand and do our own thing without encroaching on anyone else.

it's been a tough year, but lately it's been looking up a bit.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
ocean, with front deck of kayak in left lower corner,  a rocky point in the middle, and the mainland mountains in the background


but they were probably a foot and a half, just short of white-capping. i went to blue heron park, and while the bay was relatively sheltered, out in the strait there was a bit of a wind, which, together with the incoming tide, produced some nice waves. which were great fun to paddle in; i'd power on out towards a tiny islet, and then "surf" back in with the waves at my back. an hour and a half didn't even seem that long.


i'm coming to the conclusion that cardio-focussed exercise for weight loss is something of a bogus proposition. not that i am kayaking for weight loss (or doing anything for weight loss), i'm just keeping a log of food intake for heart reasons right now, and making some observations. kayaking for an hour and half at the activity level i am doing it burns off about 500 kcal. walking every day for 40 min at ~3mph burns off 250 kcal. changing my diet to one with a lower glycemic load has reduced my caloric intake by ever so much more. i couldn't possibly exercise at the level at which, for example, cutting out most refined sugar affects me, and now i seriously doubt anyone can but those who are already very fit.

weirdly enough, this makes me feel good. *heh*. for most of my life i've been reasonably active -- not athletically, but i've steadily walked, hiked, swum, canoed, with only some excessively sedentary periods. and people used to think of me as a couch potato, because i've always been overweight. i sorta chafed at that. ok, i wasn't fast, or particularly strong, but i had decent endurance, and i did most definitely not lounge on my couch all day long (more likely in my computer chair anyway). i've been equally fat when i was reasonably active as when i hibernated in front of my computer all winter long. i've been in very different shape, however. so yeah, going for "health at any size" is the only message that makes sense to me after observing myself and my interactions with food and exercise for decades.

i've mostly opted out from reading size/fat shaming anything (easy to do only if one no longer watches mainstream tv or reads mainstream papers/magazines). and i no longer see dr. weightloss-uber-alles ("i don't understand why your cholesterol levels are so good"). i've got my blood pressure and blood sugar levels down with diet changes, not with increasing exercise past a daily walk. but i still carry some of those dumb messages with me, and it's good to see it confirmed that they ARE dumb.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
in the wake of aaron swartz's suicide there is, as usual, a lot of noise about depression. some of it is best ignored, because people who claim suicide is "the coward's way out" lack understanding and empathy -- seriously, who would want to continue living with fuckwits like that? not i -- if you talk like that, you might as well hand the noose over yourself (as if being a coward were the worst thing in the world; i can think of many worse. lacking empathy, for one). some of it is well-meaning -- "talk to somebody; you are not alone", "hang in there, it does get better" -- and while that may be good advice for people with occasional depressive episodes, for many others, frankly, that too lacks understanding.

because depression for many people is a debilitating, chronic pain-of-the-soul. and it doesn't get better, not permanently -- these days i only work on it not getting worse. talking about it can ameliorate it a little, for a time, because not feeling all alone with an illness helps in bucking it. talking about strategies for coping, that's useful to a point. talking about it might help those the most who have some proximate primary cause lurking in the background, like childhood abuse. but for many talking about it doesn't make it better in the long run, and after a while talking about it makes it worse, because it merely goes in circles underlining the futility. there is no cure for many. we can throw drugs at it, and some stick and many don't; and even those which do can stop working at any time. some of the drugs take away as much as they give -- no sudden suicidal impulses, yay -- but also no more creativity. we don't really know exactly why some work in some people some of the time, and it's altogether a crap shoot.

and seriously, "hang in there" gets on my every last nerve by now. like we don't know! we DO hang in there! every damn day is a battle to hang in there. every. single. day from dawn to dusk and into the night when insomnia strikes (because depression doesn't come alone; it brings allies, and they all work together to break you down bit by bit). we hang in there and try to do our jobs, and try to support our loved ones, and try to make the world a better place. all of it in the face of horrible daily reminders about humans abusing other humans, and other animals, and the environment. and life keeps piling it on: other illnesses take a disproportionate toll, disappointments wear more heavily; the personal impact of the economy, the failure of a relationship, the death of a loved one -- anything emotionally stressful can add the last straw. being hounded by the power of the US government can certainly dump a whole truckload of straw on an already bent back. the prospect of prison is more scary than most other things, because it takes what little choice we have of ending it away from us as well.

we're already locked up inside this defective body/mind. we desperately self-medicate by screwing with our neurotransmitters; trying to get our endorphins cooking so we can ride the high and feel NORMAL just for a little while. we don't usually know that's what we're doing when we crave some form of drama, chase adrenaline highs, or engage in sometimes stupid stunts, but honestly; those highs help more than talking. they make us feel alive. it shows us we still have some choices, even if the depression deadens all our experiences. and the alternative is staying in bed with the blankets over one's head, forever.

might as well be dead. i find having the choice of death empowering.

i promised the paramour i'll clean my room before i kill myself, and so far my room is a total mess, so no, i won't kill myself today.

if i end up killing myself, which is likely at some point (i hate to say this because it will grieve my loved ones and friends, but i don't want it to come as a surprise) it won't be anything they failed to do for me. it won't be that they didn't listen enough, didn't show me that they love me enough, weren't there for me, didn't drag me to another doctor. they all have already given me more than i ever expected. they are standing strong against the users and abusers, the ones without empathy, the cruel ones, the ones who put profit before anything else, the ones who cost us all precious time and energy, squandering it. my friends and loved ones are what's good about humankind. i am still alive only because of those who care(d) for me.

i'll kill myself when i run out of spoons altogether, when my reservoir of energy to cope with life runs dry. when somebody or something, probably just my decaying body, dumps the last straw on my back, and i can't take one more day of battle, when i just want to drift away into peace, finally, finally. i probably won't write a note because i'll be too tired to find the right words. maybe i'll write it ahead of time. maybe not, because that makes it too easy.

don't feel guilty then. you did all you could. be good to one another.

RIP aaron, and all those many others lost too soon.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
or has this year gotten even more relentless with exhortations to BUY BUY BUY? "black friday" (oh, the irony) seems to have eclipsed and subsumed US thanksgiving, segued seamlessly into "cyber monday", nay, cyber week, and now we're fully immersed in christmas.

it's not like i ever buy anything much (ok, this year i caved to interweave's very, very cheap back issues of spin off in digital form). in fact, the only serious xmas purchase we've made wasn't on sale, and we didn't really buy it for xmas; it just happens to provide the paramour with some much-needed time off, in which we can assemble a 3D printer kit (*bounce*).

so yeah, the advertising leaves me mostly cold; i don't even read much of it. but it clogs up my email something fierce. it doesn't count as spam because i actually subscribed to the sources. but i didn't subscribe with the notion that i'd get daily email from each of the interweave sub categories i enjoy (spinning, knitting, weaving, crafting, painting), or that canadian tire now feels it necessary to send me a preview of its upcoming flyer. which comes once a week and the sale lasts for a week. why would anyone need a preview? i bought one thing from dell a while ago, and now i am offered days and days and neverending days of deals. and it's like every single place from which i once bought something, and where i actually do not mind to get the occasional catalog, has gotten it in their mind that this means i want to hear from them every few days, if not daily.

WTF, people. you've reached total saturation. all i have to give in response is a fatigued shrug. and then i'll go and unsubscribe from you all. i'll just have to check back the old-fashioned way, by bookmarking your website and then forgetting i did that for a year or so.

it must work, this saturation coverage, or surely they wouldn't do it. it's not like actual spam which is crudely hacked together by people who got conned into buying a spam script; these sale offers have nice graphics; somebody has clearly worked on making them appealing. other people must not get tired of it, but excited to have all these wonderful opportunities to SAVE (by spending more and more). where do they find the energy? it's soon going to be a full-time job just to read all these offers.

but anyway. 3D printer!. i am psyched! been making a list of all the things i want to design and print. and that's not even taking into account that i have ideas on improvements / add-ons for the printer i want to try. and then we can use the printer to build a laser cutter. and a CNC milling machine.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
the *poing* pointed me at this LJ entry about helping people, and i think more people might benefit from reading it.

i've always been a person who needed help in a very different way from everyone i grew up with, so part of this dawned on me very early. like the original poster, i need to be left alone to process, and anyone trying to "help" in other ways ends up adding to my stress. i decided back then that the much-vaunted "golden rule" was completely useless, and for a while i operated under the "reverse golden rule" -- don't do to others what you'd hate having done to yourself. that worked a lot better. but some years later i realized that it, too, didn't actually work well enough -- fortunately i am big on consent, and that meant i'd better ask somebody what kind of help they wanted instead of just leaving them alone when they didn't explicitly ask for help. so yeah, no rule whatsoever; individual consideration instead. it still doesn't work for people who require mind-reading to feel good about offered help, since i don't always succeed at that, but it's made a huge difference.

the original poster's last line is short and pithy, and for once pithy doesn't stand in the way, since it can be applied to either side: don't help me, help me.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
with comedy-dramas. and i am trying to poke around the definitional edges so as to better predict which shows i might like.

total failures in recent past:
chuck
eureka

successes:
dead like me
weeds

when i look in wikipedia, i can see that it's not clear to people what constitutes a comedy-drama. which makes sense because there are no fixed lines; the definition only asks that approximately equal elements of comedy and drama be present. it seems that the definition slips easily: in the cases of comedy in which characters actually have some true emotional resonance, and with dramas that contain some element of comic relief.

but if i count all of those then the term becomes nearly meaningless, because there are so many shows now in which both comedy and drama are present in some combination. to me a show that's primarily drama with some banter thrown in doesn't qualify as a comedy-drama. for example, bones: this is first and foremost a drama, and there is no comedy outside of banter. criminal minds has comic relief through flamboyant penelope garcia and her interactions with other team members, but it's dead serious the rest of the time. or dexter, which has comedic elements in dexter's own observations about people (including himself), though the show inches a bit closer to the invisible line i draw.

i am quite happy with dramas that have comedic elements in the form of banter and black humour between characters, probably because those are my own native modes of dealing with stress. i'm also fine with comedy in which the characters become something more than spear carriers for a joke -- i guess ugly betty would qualify, since i did come to care about some of the characters, and their lives seemed quite real -- but that's a special case, i think. i am also fine with pure comedy where i don't emotionally care about the characters because they're just delivery vehicles for the humour, like in better off ted.

what rubs me the wrong way is if the writers get the melange of comedy and drama wrong. for example:

body parts strewn about in dexter are never comedic; they're dead serious. even if dexter waxes rhapsodically about the artistic arrangement, the body parts are not funny; if anybody is laughing, it is shocked laughter at dexter's alien-ness in that moment.

body parts strewn about in a monty python sketch: funny ha-ha, not serious at all -- no problem with that.

body parts strewn about in eureka: say what? am i supposed to feel bad for larry who got used by nanoids as a "carbon source"? then a) humanize larry for me at the start, and b) don't show me the bloody leftovers with taggart and the sheriff being not phased one bit. and i don't mean they crack "EMT under stress" kind of jokes; they simply do not react like real people would react to finding bloody remains. i cannot take any of the characters in eureka seriously, and in consequence i don't actually care when something bad happens to them. it also doesn't help that the science is horrendously boondoggled, and there too the comedic and serious aspects are confused.

in chuck the timing is off so badly that i don't believe any of the serious action is actually serious. chuck is a likeable guy. i WANT to like him. but i can't really care about anything because he lives in this totally fake-appearing world with all those other unreal characters.

both eureka and chuck get this sort of thing wrong as a matter of course. they try to make me like a character and then fuck with the process at the wrong time. they throw in a bad joke when i am feeling emotionally vulnerable. they constantly yank me out of their own story.

on the other hand, dead like me and weeds succeed because they give me time to move from laughing at the ridiculous stuff to feeling a character's pain. their characters feel authentic, even when they engage in antics that no real person would engage in.

i think that's the central point for me.

lush

Aug. 27th, 2010 22:36
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
hot pink rose
i've been uninspired for a while now, which is why there are few photos lately. partly that's because i am not going out much; it's been too damn hot. i get more sensitive to heat each year, it seems. i've been sitting behind my computer and watching tv shows: leverage, 30 seconds, NCIS los angeles,better off ted, regenesis, dexter, and now i am in the 3rd season of six feet under.

the only one of those that was fairly unmitigated crap is NCIS los angeles, which has nothing good in common with NCIS. dexter is fabulous, and i'm looking forward to the 5th season. i've grabbed the first book on which the show is based, darkly dreaming dexter by jeff lindsay.

six feet under is also quite good, though right now it depresses me just how very bad everyone is at relationships. it's kinda impressive how many shows there are right now about odd, quirky, and outright weird people and circumstances. weird is the new black, i guess. i am all in favour.

i'm also doing a lot of knitting/crochet -- watching tv is good for that. i'm not feeling particularly creative in the sense of creating original things, but more in the "just making stuff" realm. i've finished a tee with indigo rope-dyed yarn (just needs washing), and a do-rag in crochet lace (needs dyeing).
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
finding a specific set of abbey ruins in england, when you've only seen them in a movie is not at all easy. i've narrowed it down to norfolk (and learned about flint on the way).

all i know is that i really regret missing the ferry in oostende on that rainy day. i would have had a blast exploring the british isles.

who knows where i'd be today then.

[ETA: i found the ruins: weybourne priory. my google-fu is strong. :)]
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
[there might be spoilers for "the dark knight" and "hot fuzz".)

i tried to relax tonight by watching a movie because i just couldn't concentrate on anything i have to do.

first was the dark knight. such a visual feast. but at some point i just could not stand the joker; it made me physically sick to watch him. undoubtedly that means the actor (so that was heath ledger, huh. damn shame.) gave an excellent performance -- but i turned the movie off.

ok, a comedy was probably a better idea. hot fuzz came highly recommended by the paramour. and it started out well; i do enjoy british humour. the first blast of gore was a bit of a surprise, but also seemed cartoonish. but as the movie goes on, more and more people die in particularly gory ways, and everybody makes fun of the earnest cop who doesn't think these are accidents -- and suddenly it wasn't funny to me anymore. and i turned it off as well.

i've never much been for blood and gore, but in cartoon contexts i can usually watch it without being affected. i'm not sure what it's getting to me so badly tonight

... *ponders* ...

you know, i don't think it was the gore. it was the callous cruelty in both cases. the joker is insane and derives pleasure from torturing his victims. and the people of standford village, at the point at which i turned it off, killed for the most banal reasons, which is probably also an indication of insanity. killing for pleasure. killing just because one can.

that's not relaxing. that's as bad as real life, where people in power make up no more believable reasons for why we have to wage wars. killing because they can.

i should maybe stick to anime. that's so unrealistic that there is no connection with what i see on the news.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
a carrot is poking out of a hole in a bag labelled 'peak of the market'
haven't posted one of these in a while. was spurred to do it by watching "yes man", a movie with jim carrey in the leading role. i think the paramour put that into our lineup at zip.ca.

is it just me, or does he get better-looking each year?

anyway, the movie is fluff, but i do like the concept of saying "yes" to random opportunities. there was a time when i would have happily picked the first plane out for a vacation, nevermind whether it went to lincoln, nebraska -- and i would have had a great time there. my life has been pretty amazing because of that willingness to just try anything, and to be determined to enjoy it.

i'm still doing this mentally, but not physically. i am not sure whether that is a problem.
piranha: sihouette of person sitting under bare tree; dark clouds (sad)
jo's poem gets closest to how i feel about it.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
i had the most awesome dream -- and not just because i _had_ a dream which i could remember in detail, which has become rare due to me sleeping so badly much of the time. but because it was in itself awesome.

a group of us (people i don't know IRL) were invited to spend an evening with an eccentric japanese celebrity (nobody real). we went to his house, and OMG, he had so much intriguing art! i missed most of dinner because i was looking at all of it (the dinner was minimalist art, *heh*. a lot of the art around the house was fabric sculpture, some crochet, some knit, some felt. some wire, too, and art quilts (nothing with traditional patterns, all freeform). there was also collage directly on the walls, the sort of collage that has a meaning to puzzle out. it was so beautiful, and everything had meaning, if one just studied it and thought about it.

i wish i could take pictures of the things i see through my mind's eye.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
too much politics. not good for my mental health. if only i could easily sort the stuff that will energize me from the stuff that will suck it out. i can do that on dkos for the most part because i know the participants. but links to various other places are apt to set me off frothing at the unsubstantiated rumour mill that gets het up over total bullshit.

*GAAAAAAH*!

more 538, less huffpo, and fewer random leftie journals. more matt taibbi. why is there not more matt taibbi? *sigh*.

and i need to learn to hit back on my browser as soon as i see something that's bound to piss me off the longer i contemplate it.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
i want to post this here so i can noodle about it later. elsejournal i said: "i am fairly dead-set against slippery slope arguments."

somebody else asked: Just for the sake of my own curiosity, in all contexts? And if so, why?

my reply:

probably not in all contexts, because that seems rarely true for me, but right now i can't come up with a context in which slippery slope arguments don't fundamentally bother me. i mean, even positive ones bother me. [ah, now that i've written the whole thing, i can feel something nudging at the back of my brain, but it'll have to wait til another time.]

let's see whether i have enough neurons online to explain concisely why i think SSAs are so dangerous.

logic, 2 points:
a) SSAs generally ignore the huge middle ground in human behaviours, and do not show convincing data to support their conclusions. human behaviour does not inevitably produce a domino effect.

b) SSAs are arguments from specific projected consequences which take advantage of humans being imperfect when making nuanced distinctions. but being imperfect at making the second-order distinction between distinctions we're good at and those we're bad at, we're bound to fail to make the distinction between good and bad SSAs. and we then arrive at a higher order mess.

application: i perceive in policy based on SSAs a strong tendency towards the very thing we're both decrying -- greater cynicism and mistrust in people's ability to do the right thing and therefore greater restriction of their self-determination, and more and more rules to hem them in just in case they might do something dangerous, even if the danger is just to themselves.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
wow, i was sloppy with the daily postings in may; i missed 11 days. mostly because i waited too late in the day, trying to actually post pictures from _that_ day. that's really a silly constraint which snuck up on me, and i am dropping it.

i'm also gonna post those missing pictures, and later move them to the correct dates.

i had signed up for sofobomo before the starting date, but then got completely distracted by dreamwidth, and now i have no theme. i think i'm still going to try and do it, and see whether a theme comes to me -- i am taking photos every day anyway, and who knows what might crystallize. it'd be cool if something did -- i am sorta vaguely thinking of the photos i took that expressed in some way how i felt that day. too narcissistic, eh? yeah. anything concentrating on somebody/something not-me seems like it'll slip away from me because i just don't have the spoons. i could do "a month in the life of my garden". hm. ... *ponder* ...

speaking of the garden, it's too hot to build my garden boxes, though i have cut all the lumber to size already. maybe if i just went outside to build _one_, without thinking ahead to building three and then mixing the soil for them all? i could build it behind the missile silo in the shade. i think i am letting myself be discouraged too easily, and fluctuate between doing too much on one day and crashing the next, and it becomes harder to pick things up again.
piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
the sun has just sunk behind the evergreens in the distance, and the sky is all sorts of grey-blues and oranges.

alt text for some of these is hard to write, because my brain is ded. i'll try better tomorrow.

in general me paying attention to alt text (due to dreamwidth paying attention to better accessibility) is a really good thing for myself -- it's making me work harder on finding descriptive words instead of letting the picture speak for itself as i had previously done. there is value in both (completely aside from accessibility).

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piranha: stylized white figure lifting a red barbell with weights (Default)
renaissance poisson

July 2014

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